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On Expectation-Thoughts from Advent

Last month M. and I were discussing why pregnancy is often described as “expecting.” This I probably a more appropriate topic for Advent, but here it is now. I started pondering the idea and realized that there are many expectations I have as a pregnant woman about what the future holds, but I do not think that is the whole answer.

So, during Advent I began thinking about the Blessed Mother and her expectancy of Jesus. Really she did not know what to expect—the angel came to her and she gave her “fiat.” Then she heard about Elizabeth and went to hang out with her for awhile. I wonder what she and Elizabeth talked about together, after the leaping in the womb but also as women. Whenever I talk to another pregnant woman, or even new mothers, we always talk about being pregnant and compare stories of aches, pains, and the stuff we have gotten so far for the baby. Maybe they talked about how to take care of babies, but maybe they also realized that there was something greater than they could ever expect in both of their children. John the Baptist was sanctified in the womb when he recognized his Savior and Elizabeth knew God had chosen him for something great! Mary knew that her son was also God. They must have had great awe when thinking about their children. Dom Gueranger wrote in The Liturgical Year about how Mary must have contemplated her child in the womb and meditated upon who he was. It seems that “expecting” is more than having expectations, but involves wonder at the miracle within oneself.

Now I know that my child is not God and has not been sanctified already, though I have tried to find a way to validly baptize it before birth, but I do relate to the Blessed Mother in her expectation and I pray that my motherhood will at least have some of the grace her motherhood has.

On Food During Pregnancy

Right now I am eating a spoonful of flax seed in 1/2 cup of applesauce with a lot of cinnamon. Why? For the sake of my brain. There are fatty acids called omega-3 which our bodies cannot produce and can only come from one’s diet. When a pregnant or nursing mother does not consume them they are taken from the brain where they are stored. The unborn and nursing child needs lots of these everyday. So I am forcing myself to eat flax seed, which contains these acids, for the sake of my brain and for the baby. The DoZers gave me a box of milled flax seed when I was in Steubenville for homecoming weekend. I started eating it with my grape-nuts in the morning, but learned after about a month that grape-nuts+flaxseed are very difficult for super hungry, pregnant me to eat first thing in the morning. So now I am trying them in applesauce.

Maybe it was just mental, but during the two weeks I was not eating flaxseed I became more absent minded and “spacey”. I really enjoy remembering things I need to remember and being able to think. So now I am going to try eating my flax in applesauce. Yum, yum! If anyone wants to try it, come on over and I will make you a bowlful.

In other news on food. I am also supposed to be eating 75 grams of protein a day, a whole lot of fruits and vegetables, and other things.

My brain is losing focus, I guess the flaxseed is not working yet. I am going to go find some chocolate.

Work, the Economy, and the Baby

I’ve been busier these past couple of weeks than I have been in a while. I finally got a job, which I am very happy with and will hopefully stay at once the baby comes. It is only 10-20 hours a week and generally on the lower end, so I am not working too much, but between that, exercise, house cleaning, cooking, and all the novels I have been reading I have not had much time for anything else.

One thing I have kept up with is my blog and news reading and am officially tired of hearing about the economy and the election. I just want the election to be over and am not affected too much by the economy crisis anyway. I have appreciated the lower gas prices and now lower food prices. Milk went down this week. I know this means someone else is making less money somewhere, but I cannot help but appreciate the break on the budget. I have realized that now is probably the best time in my life for the economy to turn downward. Being fresh out of college we have no investments to lose and cannot start a retirement fund yet. Our budget is perfect for cheaper everything; it was seriously getting ridiculous with how much things were starting to cost. I guess our lifestyle is not really that affected. Also, since the whole crisis started I got a job and our income actually went up a bit.

In other news, I have been feeling the baby a lot and Mark felt it the other night. The kicks are getting bigger. It is nice to know that the baby is still alive and moving every couple of hours, especially with stories I have heard about stillborn babies. This week the baby is supposed to be the length of a banana and can taste my food in the amniotic fluid, which is cool. We have 20 weeks to go, which means I am halfway there! It is very weird to think about being responsible for a tiny infant, but I am glad and pray I will be a good mother and that our baby will be holy and healthy. 🙂

Things I Miss About “Home”

Though I have not resided in the city on a permanent basis since the summer after my first year of college, I did not find myself missing St. Louis and officially mourning the loss of my connection to it in terms of it being home until I moved to Buftalo.

It all started when I began to go through my closet at my parents house to decide what to take with me to Buftalo, what to leave at my parents house and what to throw out or give away. I spent the last three years of college in Steubenville with only a couple weeks in St. Louis in the summer and at Christmastime. The four weeks I lived at home before the wedding were the longest stretch I had spent in St. Louis since the summer before I went to Austria (Fall 2005). I think I am skirting around my point. The point is that as long as all of my stuff besides that which I had at school lived there and that was the address I wrote on every form for my “permanent address,” I still lived there in some sense. I had hoped to live there while M. was in grad school as well, as long as he got into SLU. However, things worked out best for us to come to Buftalo, and as I left for the reception I bid my parent’s house farewell and have not seen it since. I am officially no longer a resident of the St. Louis area, but in many ways St. Louis still resides in me.

Now for the things I miss about St. Louis (I do miss my family as well, but in this post I am dealing with the city). I first noticed a difference in the state of the Catholic Church in Buftalo. Like St. Louis there are practically 20 Churches within 10-15 min of our residence, but unlike St. Louis the diocese itself and the bishop are not exactly favorable to Steubenville-grads calling themselves traditionalists–try finding a job with that classification! There are two Sunday Masses in the Extraordinary form, and we attend the one at a downtown parish. Many “young” families attend as well, but we’ve only found 2 people there our age. My hope of living in St. Louis had been largely influenced by the presence of the Institute of Christ the King at St. Francis De Sales, and I can say that the first thing I miss about St. Louis is the Institute. The second thing I miss about St. Louis is Archbishop Raymond Burke, who as M. pointed out to me is no longer in St. Louis, but I still associate him with my nostalgia. I pray that the pope chooses a good bishop for the diocese. As for this diocese, I just wish we had a bishop that was not unfavorable towards the Extraordinary Form, but I am thankful that we can go to it regularly. Plus, there are so many old beautiful churches being closed down, I just wish the Institute would start an oratory here.

Another category of things I miss about St. Louis: food that you can only get in St. Louis.
1. Ted Drewes Frozen Custard: You have to be from near South City to know the true value of this custard and to know the truth that it cannot be surpassed by any other form of ice cream or frozen custard. At least I can still get it when I visit my parents. 🙂
2. Toasted Ravioli: A St. Louis favorite. Ravioli breaded and deep-fried. I did not realize ravioli was served without the breading and frying until I saw it on a menu in a restaurant. You can buy this at any St. Louis grocery store in the frozen food section, bake it and have it ready in 5 minutes! You can also get it at basically any restaurant in St. Louis, even Applebees. The best is found on the Hill at any local Italian restaurant. My longing for this lead me to make homemade ravioli, bread it and fry and bake some. It turned out really good!
I discovered that at least one restaurant in Buftalo serves “Fried Ravioli” which is basically the same thing. Yay for them!
3. Provel Cheese: A mixture of provolone, white cheddar and swiss cheese. It is delicious. Our caterer for out wedding uses it in his house salad-the last time I had the cheese. It can only be found in St. Louis.
4. St. Louis style-pizza/ Cecil Whitakers: I really want to make this here in Buftalo, but I can’t get provel cheese which I need for it. So, I might make up my own combination of cheeses and try to imitate it.

Other things to miss about St. Louis which I missed before I moved to Buftalo include: the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team, the Arch, the Cathedral Basilica, the trees (Buftalo needs more tall trees)… I am sure there are more. Maybe we will live in or near St. Louis again someday, but for now I can miss certain things about it and look forward to visits there. I am sure our kids will feel affection towards the city as well, as long as we bring them there to visit grandparents often and when there immerse them in the food.

After Three Months of Marriage

I attribute this inspiration to C. and L. Lol…I wonder if this phase will last.

So, many things have changed in my life in the past 5 months: I graduated from college, discovered there are things about Steubenville to miss, got married, got pregnant, moved to a completely new state 2 hours further from my family than Steubenville was, made a new group of friends, finally get to go to the Tridentine Mass every Sunday, tried to find a job, have not got one yet (though this is still developing).

My mom was worried about the possibility of me getting pregnant “right away” (we all knew that I would). She said all of the changes would cause stress that would affect the baby. Maybe that is why it is good that I do not have a job, even though it would be a great help for M. and I on the financial level. We don’t really want to have to depend on Emperor Obama for sustenance over the next four years. I think after I got over the fact that M. is okay with me reading novels all day, making creative dinners, baking for him, me, and the baby every week, keeping the apartment clean, and making new friends while he worked in a factory for six weeks and now spends the whole day with Lady Philosophy and her friends Greek and German, I realized that life in Buftalo is quite enjoyable! The stress is still there on different levels, but God’s grace and blessings are greater than any stress I have had.

Back to my mom (sorry Mom), she was worried about the financial situation of the young newly married couple attempting to survive grad school and be “open to life”. It turns out that most of the young married couples we have become friends with here are in basically the same situation, except the wives have to work as well to meet the basic needs. I see the way I am blessed all the time. I think this situation is that of the young, married, Catholics who will not contracept for five years before having children. And honestly how many of our parents were entirely financially stable when they got married and started having kids? I love you Mom!

I am constantly reminded of how not only did I marry M., but I also married “Lady Poverty.” I guess Lady Poverty and Lady Philosophy are sisters or something. I will only buy meat when it is on sale for 1.99/lb and then I buy it in bulk and freeze it. I’ve made beans are rice. Aldi is my new favorite place to shop and I supplement it with the amazing Wegmans. Besides the technicality of buying things it really has not been that hard to live this way, maybe I adapted to it in Steubenville. Basically the lifestyle M. and I have chosen does not require a lot of extra expenses. Maybe this blog will be an examination of the way we are living and the ideas of an expecting mother.