Category: Parenting

My Tribute to my NFP practioner (who is not an iPod App)

Natural Family Planning has been a big conversation topic lately among Catholic women in the blogosphere and internets. Jennifer Fulwiler wrote on it the other day for the National Catholic Register blog, how more Catholic women are becoming aware of the Church’s teaching on contraception. My friends Mary wrote about an app she has been using. A Catholic mom’s Facebook group I am in discusses it nonstop. I am going to talk about my awesome practitioner who taught me the Creighton Model System when I was a 19 years old and engaged to be married.

Photo by Jen Pagnan

That first meeting with her when I had only been charting four weeks, with my fiance (M of course), was definitely potentially very awkward. I don’t remember any of the details really, except that I was not having normal mucus. (Ewww, I am going to talk about mucus.) Anyway, through her help and through the research that has been done on mucus discharges, I learned to distinguish different types of mucus and follow my cycles. It was not easy and I had to be consistent in checking for mucus every time, EVERY TIME, I used the toliet, showered, went swimming. I charted for 15 months before I got married, and 12 months from the wedding we were fairly certain that a honeymoon baby was in order. She came nine months and a day from our wedding…

Then came the postpartum charting, which is super confusing, especially when you are nursing a baby and have nonfertile mucus most of the time plus not really sure if you are having cycle again or not? My practitioner reminded me to start charting again after my pregnancy, did follow-ups and chart reviews, and helped me understand what was going on with the my body. I can’t remember how many times I have called, emailed, or Facebook messaged her to get advice on whatever I was charting on various days. She always looks into the research and the studies and gives me helpful advice. When I have been so confused and needed support, she has listened to me cry and helped me figure things out.

Last week, we had my first postpartum follow-up after baby F. I had been having some confusing days of charting again, and when she looked at my chart and the research (I had already messaged her about things before the follow-up) she recommended that I go see my doctor for some progesterone to help balance out my hormones. It was then that I realized that I had been having a lot of symptoms of postpartum depression and needed to be treated. If it had not been for my charting and follow up I might have continued to wallow in my fatigued, overwhelmed, unhappy state. Since I was treated just a week ago (with a progesterone injection), I have noticed a huge difference in my ability to handle everyday life. Also, my childrens’ behavior is slowly improving. We are no longer dealing with temper tantrums in the middle of the night or right before bed (though the help of new parenting strategies have aided us there as well). We would not have been able to say calmly, “It is time to be obedient. It is time to be in bed,” a billion times if I had still been dealing with being depressed. It affected everyone in the family, and the fact that I was charting revealed the problem we did not even see. It is worth it not just for knowing when I can “achieve” and “avoid” having another baby, but for all aspects of my health as a woman.

So, not to go on a tangent from the point of this post, but I really wanted to say that Natural Family Planning takes work and effort on your part and you cannot really do it alone. Even the iPod app requires a doctors advice from time to time. Pick a method, find a practitioner, and stick with it. I have a regular doctor I see for my medical needs and for prenatal and postnatal care, my kids and husband have a doctor, I go to a doctor for my eyes, I go to one for my teeth, so why not use an expert to understand my fertility and help me live my life within the moral teachings of the Church which I love so much?

Seven Quicktakes Friday-Feb. 1

I am going to link up today, so make sure you go visit Jen for all the quicktakes.

1. The major thing that happened to me this week was the realization that I have been having mild postpartum depression. Some days I have been totally fine, but other days I have felt completely overwhelmed at the thought of taking care of the kids and the house. I was attributing it to the adjustment to everything new in my life, but it turns out it is probably a hormonal imbalance. I was shot up with some progesterone yesterday and I am already noticing a difference. Hooray! So please keep me and the family in your prayers. And also please pray for someone else I am close to who has been diagnosed with depression (the non-postpartum version).

2. And here is an advertisement for the Creighton Model of Natural Family Planning and NaProtechnology. They only reason I went to the doctor about feeling not normal was because my charting (which I started dutifully at 56 days postpartum which is what they ask when one is totally breastfeeding) indicated that my hormones levels were not quite right. I had a follow-up with my practitioner and she told me to call my doctor which lead to me getting some more hormones which after 30 hours seem to be helping a lot. So, if you are thinking about charting; having a regular follow-up person and charting can help with a lot of things, not just for avoiding or achieving pregnancy. Such as helping you be a nice mom instead of a spastic yelling mom who can’t handle tantrums at all…

3. G gave this to me today and said: “This is to help you with your blog.” Here it is:

I think that is a “G”.

4. We went to the Mall of America on Saturday despite G’s pleas to go to the art museum. My kid is already geeky. We got some smelly soaps since I had a gift card from my birthday in June that I had not used. Now everytime G washes her hands she says, “Mmmm, this soap smells like flowers! Do you want to smell my hands mom?!”

5. Lent is coming up. I am going to adapt a Tenebrae service this week for a Lenten devotion for my family. Look for more on it at Truth and Charity this week. Also, don’t forget that tomorrow is Candlemas, the Presentation of our Lord, and the last day of the Christmas/Season after Epiphany. So, it is the last day for your nativity scene and tree.

6. Now that I am going to be feeling better, I am going to attempt to do potty training for real again soon. Typical potty training episode so far which is why I had given up:

L: “I have to go potty.”
Me: “Okay, let’s go!” I put her on the toliet.
Me: “Have you gone yet, L?” L grabs at the toliet paper and pulls off a piece.
Me: “If you go you can have a frozen blueberry!”
L: “Blueberry!”
Me: “Have you gone yet? I am going to count to ten and then you go. One, two, three, four, five…”
L: “A flag!” She waves the toliet paper in the air.
Me: “Are you going to go?”
L: “No. All done.” She drops in the toliet paper in the toliet and then flushes.

7. I have just started Sigrid Undset’s biography on Catherine of Sienna. What an incredible life. I will probably be blogging about sainthood in the future, but one thing I do know and I told M last week is that I am not living a life of heroic virtue. His response: “I could have told you that!” Thanks dear. 🙂

New Mom-skill!

Today on the way home from Trader Joe’s the big girls were happily sucking on the suckers they earned by finding the bunnies hidden in the store. These suckers are great because they are all-natural with no random weird dyes in them. When G finished her sucker she asked me to throw a wipe back to her since she was sticky. I first told her I could not since she was all the way in back of the mini-van (something I really miss about not driving a sedan is that I can’t reach the kids from the front seat). Then we came to a red light and I thought, “Hey, why not?”

I pulled a wipe out of the diaper bag, scrunched it down into a ball, twisted around and did a weird sideways throw and hit G (who was directly two rows behind my seat) in the shoulder. Since wipes don’t bounce it stayed on her shoulder and when she figured out where it was she used it and then let L have a turn with it.

Anyone else mastered the art of throwing things to kids at red lights?

Home Again: Seven Quicktakes for Jan 11, 2013

So, I am back in town as of Sunday, but have been spending my normal blogging time (naptime) with Jillian Michaels and then my shower. This is my attempt to encourage the baby weight off. Since I am now experiencing normal life with three kids these will all be takes on the children:

1. Today F had her two month check up and with weight in the 96th percentile and height in the 80th I am going to say that she is more like my side than M’s. There are always big babies on my side. You should see my sister’s babies. 🙂 Her one year old weighs the same as my two year old and that is her smallest baby so far.

2. F had her first vaccines today.

When we came home from the doctor’s office this plastic baby had stolen her hat and her bouncy seat with a little help from G. I hope the vaccines do not affect her sleeping because I am really enjoying waking up after five to seven hours each night to a baby who nurses right back to sleep. I don’t mind nursing her 7 times between 7 pm and 11pm if that means she sleeps forever. Keep it up kiddo! L had a few long stretches at this age and then went to a waking every 3 hour schedule until she stopped night nursing at 15 months.
3. L’s potty training (which we attempted to start on Tuesday) is not really happening anymore, and no she is not using the toliet. She is just still wearing diapers. Not even the threat of no candy until she goes on the toliet is inspiring her. For now we are trying to get her to want to go on the toliet and figure out how her bladder works and so on. Maybe it will happen soon. My new goal is before the baby needs the size large cloth diapers that L uses.
4. L’s toddler bed arrived in the mail today. She figured how to get out of her crib this week (thanks to big sister G) and we decided it would be safer to have her in a toddler bed if this was the case. The reason we do not already have one is that we put G in a twin right away, but the bedroom they are in would be super cramped with two twins and all their toys. The plan is to get the “big girls” an Ikea bunk bed in a year when G turns FIVE?!?!??!?!

5. We call the strange moods the children experience after a road trip the “grandparent affect.” This is characterized by the desire for constant attention and extreme whiney-ness when the desired attention is not available. It usually wears off on its own after a week.

6. I think L is getting her two year molars. My only evidence however is the persistent biting of her older sister. At least she is not biting the baby?

7. All three kids really like the song “Away in a Manger.” F smiles at it and the other two dance. We are doing the Christmas season until Candlemas Day, which is February 2.

Seven Quicktakes-Dec. 7

1.  I caught a nasty head cold over the weekend and it makes me feel like I am a week post-partum instead of four. It is kind of annoying, but is forcing me to take it easy when I might normally try to get lots of things done. The baby also caught the cold, poor girl, and has been fussier because of it; it is her second cold since birth. We should have a Spring or Summer baby next, because this is not nice to a newborn. I am sure we will find a few more colds over our Christmas travels.

2. Here is what we did for St. Nicholas Day:

Just chocolate. The presents we save to celebrate the birth of Christ. You know. 
St. Nick also made it into the center of our Advent wreath, until someone decides to eat him.
3. This meme made me really happy:
From CatholicMemes.com

4. Tomorrow is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, when Our Lady was conceived without original sin. Dom Gueranger in his The Liturgical Year on the topic:

“The intention of the Church, in this feast, is not only to celebrate the anniversary of the happy moment in which began, in the womb of the pious Anne, the life of the ever-glorious Virgin Mary; but also to honour the sublime privilege, by which Mary was preserved from the original stain, which, by a sovereign and universal decree, is contracted by all the children of Adam the very moment they are conceived in their mother’s womb. The faith of the Catholic Church on the subject of the Conception of Mary is this: that at the very instant when God united the soul of Mary, which He had created, to the body which it was to animate, this ever-blessed soul did not only contract the stain, which at that same instant defiles  every human soul, but was filled with an immeasurable grace which rendered her, from that moment, the mirror of the sanctity of God Himself, as far as this is possible to a creature.” (p. 377-378, Vol. 1)

5. My second contribution to Truth and Charity was posted yesterday. Please support that great blog!

6. After going to story hour at the library today, I realize my almost four year old needs to learn classroom etiquette. They all thought it was cute, but she probably should not yell out in the middle of stories and wait for her turn in line. Oh the misfortunes of staying at home with mom… 😉

7. We have barely made a dent in our (20ish) freezer meals thanks to visitors after the baby and meals from friends. While I love to cook it is nice to not have to while the baby’s schedule is so unpredictable. I am really wanting her to be old enough to be on a regular sleep schedule, but I need to remember patience and appreciate the newborn qualities she has.

Head over to Jen for more quicktakes.

Baptised at Last: Cradle Catholics

On Saturday the baby was baptised! Alleluia! She also came down with baby acne. I guess 3-4 weeks is about right for that to show up. We had a wonderful crowd of family and friends at the baptism (a great uncle and aunt with their three kids, three of four grandparents, the aunt and uncle godparents, a cousin plus a number of friends), and it was just a fraction of our Catholic family and friends that were present. M and I are both cradle Catholics and so are our parents. In fact our parents were also raised by cradle Catholics, and so on. The line of cradle Catholics goes back to at least my great grandparents on my side and probably further.

I am so blessed that my faith has been passed down to me from the Apostles through the Church and also from my parents and their parents. For all of high school, my grandmother in St. Louis was in my family’s parish. I would see her every Sunday in the front row and then would catch up with her after Mass. It was such a blessing to share this part of life with her. I have always known my mother’s parents, who live near Cleveland, to go to daily Mass. What great examples of holy lives they have given me. I see their marriage and how well they raised their seven children as an example to me of how to be holy, loving parents and spouses. As Catholics, we look to the lives of the Saints to learn how to love God and be saintly; and I feel so blessed to look to the lives of my people in my family to learn about being holy and Catholic.

It is so easy for cradle Catholics to take their faith and religion for granted; we need to realize that while our faith has been given to us by our parents, it is our responsibility to live the faith. We need to seek to have active prayer lives, go to Mass, have frequent Confessions; without these things, especially with the continued secularization and modernization of society, our faith will quickly fall by the wayside. M and I have discussed how many of the converts to Catholicism we know really know the faith and really care to live it well. Is there something about being raised Catholic that makes it harder for us? We could blame bad catechesis as children, but we are adults, so we need to take responsibility as adults. There are so many resources for learning about the Catholic faith, for example the catechism. Or one could look at New Advent for great resources about the Church.

And as a parent raising three little Catholics, I know the importance of teaching the faith to my children from a young age. I need to be an example of what I teach them in my behavior and in my life of prayer. I am so blessed to be continuing the line of cradle Catholics, and pray that my little ones grow up to bring more converts to the Church.

On Mom Friendships and Mom Blogs

I like to read blogs. I started reading a blog by a mom with two young children about a year ago, and recently realized that her blog was about a three yer old and a six year old. I was relating to her because she had a nursing child and a non-nursing child; suddenly her kids were older and her life did not seem so similar to mine. And then she started sharing from other parent blogs on her blog and the secular view of children and parenting started to really bother me. There is something really, truly negative in a lot of the secular/non-Christian parenting blogs that I can’t quiet pinpoint and describe. It is also present in the parenting magazines, which I peruse in doctors’ waiting rooms. I found that when I read these things, I am more selfish mother, annoyed at my children, and wishing things were different. Which is not what I am called to as a mother or a wife.

On a side note: I know a lot of my feelings about being a mother lately are coming from being very pregnant, living in a new city where I have not had enough time to develop solid friendships (though I have hopes for many great friends since I have met so many wonderful women so far!), and missing the great friends I have in Buffalo.

However, as I have been reading mom blogs of home schooling (or normal schooling) Catholic moms who have more children than I have, I have found a sort of support system, that will not replace the real life one I am developing here in St. Paul, but will encourage me to press on in my call to motherhood and wife hood.

I realize that my days of cultural normalcy are limited, and that I have been enjoying them perhaps a bit too much, when someone asks G if she is going to be going to pre-school and she tells them very openly that she is home schooled. I know once baby number four starts to make an appearance (be it God’s will that our family continues to grow) in a couple of years, I may not get as many friendly comments from strangers. Even now, three is not as normal as two. Also, my kids are “really close together.” Ha! I am looking forward to the days that G and L are the teenage older sisters with the baby brother or sister on their lap and I take care of the baby for feeding and changing (like a family we met this past weekend at M’s cousin’s Confirmation party). I am finding I love talking to the moms of 8+ who have been where I am and are fully aware that since I am 26 and having my third child will be where they are in about 10 years or so. To them my life makes sense and they know what it is like, but they are realistic, seasoned mothers who know that it is all for good and really love their children. They inspire me and have great advice to give. And a young mother needs that support from older mothers. A young mother also needs support from other like-minded young mothers.

And it really is love that it all comes down to. Loving God. Loving myself as God sees and knows me. Loving my husband. Loving my children. Loving my other family and friends. May God help me to always love, and to trust Him in all things. Then I know I will be truly happy and have a happy family.

Good Picture Books: Russell Hoban’s “Frances”

I read the Frances books as a kid and was reintroduced to them visiting M’s grandparents over Thanksgiving last year. They had Bread and Jam for Frances (by Russell Hoban) which tells the story of a girl who only wants to eat bread and jam. Her amazing parents decide to only give her bread and jam to eat after that is what she chooses to eat for several meals anyway. Eventually Frances decided she would like to eat other foods and declares that it is wonderful to have so many options of foods to eat.

The other books by Hoban about Frances include: Bedtime for Frances, A Baby Sister for Frances, A Birthday for Frances, Best Friends for Frances, and A Bargain for Frances.  Two of those books I have not even read in at least 20 years since I am waiting to find them at the library. But I am pretty sure that they are as amazing as the others.

The parts that make them so good for kids and parents are that they are so relatable for both parents and kids and that Frances makes up random silly rhymes to express what she is feeling. This goes along with my ideas about nursery rhymes being really good for kids. If a kids is used to rhymes and then sees that one can use rhymes to work out one’s problems or think things over, then this child has learned a lot about language and how to use it just from simple stories and books. I think this concept has been grasped by my three year old G. Most days I hear her narrating the actions of her play: “She dashed across the room and went under the table.” Other times I hear her making up rhymes or songs that may or may not make any sense. A large part of this might have to do with her extroverted personality, but I think it also has to do with her exposure to stories and rhymes.

The topics of the books are also so everyday, but ones that many parent-child relationships experience. Bedtime, baby sisters, birthdays, friends, picky eating. We currently have Best Friends for Frances out from the library, and my favorite part is when Frances decides that sisters can be best friends and starts to realize how much fun she can have with her sister Gloria. The story also shows Frances working through a friendship with a boy who excludes her from more “boy-like” activities. The stories are so realistic about childhood, and provide clever, smart solutions to problems.

I forgot to mention that the stories take place in a world populated by badgers. The philosophical explanation of how this is possible is below:

G: Why are there only badgers in this book?

M: Because this book takes place in a possible world in which only badgers and not primates attained personhood.

What can be wrong with books that teach our children about possible worlds? Even philosophy can be learned by reading about Frances!

 ***I also want to warn that when looking for these books at the library or at the store watch out for the “I Can Read” versions which cut the significant parts of the text from the story and thus eliminate many of the best lines and rhymes. I personally do not understand why they feel the need to dumb down awesome children’s stories. Let the kids read the good stuff!

The First Best Literature for Children: Nursery Rhymes

I love nursery rhymes. My children love nursery rhymes. I am not entirely sure why. Tradition loves nursery rhymes. For the record I have no background in education so this is all just my opinion supplemented with my belief that the traditions that have been preserved by society over time, the test of time, are good. My children speak English, or are at least learning to. I speak English, and no matter how many ancestries me or my children descend from by being Americans we are in the tradition of the English speaking world. So when it it comes to literary education, English nursery rhymes are the place where I start.

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
 eating some curds and whey. 
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her,
and frightened Miss Muffet away.

Things I have noticed/learned about children: they memorize things quickly and efficiently, what they memorize effects how they think and how they speak, rhymes and stories that are quirky are their favorites. The quirky ones are also my favorites. On a side note, I think that the best children’s literature is that which intrigues the adult as well as the child. Nursery rhymes are so strange, often practical, and so wonderful.

Often the nursery rhymes are just plain fun.

Round about, round about, Gooseberry pie, 
My father loves good ale, and so do I.

Pat a cake, pat a cake, bakers man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can,
Pat it and roll it and mark it with a “B”
Put it in the oven for baby and me. 

Another element of good children’s literature is that which teaches a child about life, but in a way that makes them remember. A child may learn these rhymes as a child, and remember it is important to be responsible when they are older.

Elsie Marley’s grown so fine, she won’t get up to feed the swine,
but lays in bed ’till eight or nine,
Lazy Elsie Marley.

A dillar, a dollar, a ten o’clock scholar,
What makes you come so soon,
You used to come at ten o’clock, but now you come at noon.  

They also relate to children’s lives, and explain the world to them. For example, some about going to market to buy things, a child who goes to the store to buy things can relate to.

To market to market to buy a fat pig,
Home again, home again jiggity jig.

Go to bed Tom, go to bed,
Tired or not, go to bed.

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs, downstairs in his nightgown,
Peering in the windows, Peaking through the lock,
Are all the children in their beds? 
For now it is eight o’clock.

Nursery rhymes are also very educational. My children have learned to count from them and also, the alphabet! Songs and rhymes are a very popular and effective way to teach.

One, two, three, four, five,
I caught a fish alive,
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
I let him go again,
Why did you let him go?
Because he bit my finger so.
Which finger did he bite?
The little finger on the right.  

How many days has my baby to play,
Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Riddles are another way nursery rhymes teach, giving a child a chance to think critically and understand that words have multiple meanings.

Hickamore hackamore
on the king’s kitchen door,
All the kings horse and all the kings men
couldn’t drive Hickamore Hackamore
off the kings kitchen door.
(can you guess?)

Nursery rhymes are also used for soothing, and the familiar rhythms and rhymes are something that help a child feel comfortable and happy.

Twinkle, Twinkle, little star, 
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Twinkle, Twinkle, little star, 
How I wonder what you are. 

These are just a few reasons that nursery rhymes are great for children. Educationally, they also help a child develop the skills of memorizing and expand vocabulary greatly. Children love repetition, and often I will hear my three year old reciting nursery rhymes to herself over and over again. She is processing the rhymes and applying them to her life. She also asks me to explain them, but mostly just memorizes them and applies them herself.

Rock a bye baby,
Your cradle is green,
Father’s a nobleman,
Mother’s a queen,
Betty’s a lady who wears a gold ring,
And Johnny’s a drummer who drums for the king. 
____________________________________________
If you are interested in a collection of rhymes, Nursery Rhymes by Douglas Gorsline is well illustrated and has a lot of good rhymes.  

Friday Quick Takes-Aug 31

1. L’s favorite book these days is Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown. If you have read children’s books at any point in the last 50 years, you have read this one. Though her method of “participating” in the book is to search aggressively for the “young mouse” on each page. As M or I read her the book, she shouts “MOUSE!” and points all over the page. When I put her to bed at nap or nighttime if I don’t say “Goodnight Bears and Goodnight Chairs” to her bears and then “Goodnight Mouse” she throws a fit. Yesterday she started pointing to the words in the book and saying “Letters.” I am certain that the mouse-hunt and letter recognition are signs of genius.

2. I encouraged G to look at her Bible during quiet time yesterday showing her all the pictures of the stories about Jesus which she is familiar with. I told her after her quiet time we could talk about the stories. The one she zeroed in on was the story of the beheading of St. John the Baptist. Maybe it is because we talked about how it had been the Gospel at Mass on Wednesday so she had heard the story there. But she asked for it in particular for her naptime story today. The priest at Mass on the Feast of the Beheading of St. John the Baptist spoke about how he died because he defended marriage. It seems that he would be a great saint to pray to for the preservation of traditional marriage in our society.

3. If you want a recommendation on a Bible for children and don’t mind a blue eyed, blonde Jesus, the Golden Children’s Bible is a really good one for being true to Biblical texts and not oversimplifying the content. G who is three seems to understand the stories in it as long as I explain some of the details to her, and she really enjoys the illustrations.

4. I know I said this on Facebook already, but we went to the Minnesota State Fair this week which was just about what one would expect from a state fair. There were farm animals, greasy foods, and rides! Though my favorite part was the draft root beer. Apparently I am making up for not being allowed to drink by drinking excessive (for me) amounts of root beer whenever I get the chance. Also, G stopped her princess play after the fair and decided to pretend she was a pig who won first prize at the fair. 🙂

5. I come to accept that going places with children takes time and it no longer bothers me. Maybe it is pregnancy fatigue, but maybe it is me finally getting used to being a mother.

6. Saw this linked the other day and it looks pretty cool. Toddler leggings made from knee high socks. Now I just need to find some cool looking socks for cheaper than the on-sale, clearanced leggings I usually purchase for G.

7. Earlier this week M and I were talking about why a sitz bath is called a “sitz” bath. M joked that it comes from German and means sitting in the bath. It turns out he was right. From dictionary.com:

Origin:
1840–50;  half adoption, half translation of German Sitzbad,  equivalent to sitz ( en ) to sit1  + Bad bath1

That’s all folks!