Three to One

I have already said it on Facebook. Today is my first day with my three beautiful girls without any other adults at home.

I woke up at 6:50 to nurse the baby and heard G trying to get out of her room already. M was getting ready for work. Once the baby was sufficiently fed and “back to sleep” in the co-sleeper (which I borrowed from my sister and works way better than the bassinet level of the pack n play), I roused myself from my bed and got as dressed as a post-partum mom wants to be in the extremely comfortable but stylish pants that I got from a friend in Buffalo. I then took care of my toliet while approving of M’s tie and he left for work. G had been finally convinced to stay in her room a bit longer and I spent a few minutes on the internet while the three kids were safely still in their beds.

I never make coffee before the kids are up and dressed and about to eat breakfast because otherwise I will only get to drink cold coffee. If I ever do, my plans to drink it are always thwarted by children who no longer can wait to be gotten up.

So, G came out of the room again at 7:40ish and I decided to let her get up. I dressed the girls and decided to take on teaching G how to take off her own shirt this morning. While I was trying to convince her to do so the kitchen was too quiet. I discovered L standing at the counter (on one of the wooden kid chairs) with a box of Grapenuts dumped in front of her and eating dry cereal out of a spoon I had left out after dishing the girl’s cereal out and letting it soak in water so they can actually chew it. What I managed to forget was photographing the scenario. It was a pretty silly scene. I managed to not get angry and told her to chew and swallow the food and went back to convincing G to take her shirt off.

Once we were all dressed and the hair was combed and styled I served breakfast and my coffee and we were done by 9! WOOO!!!!

I realize this was only possible because the baby decided to sleep three more hours after her 6:50 nursing session.

So, to make the day more interesting we went to a playdate at a friend’s house. The kids had fun; I had fun. We had a yummy lunch and brought home with us what will be a delicious dinner. And now the kids are napping/quiet. The baby has been asleep since 11:30 AM and I woke her briefly to feed her about 15 minutes ago. Now she needs a diaper change. M is coming home in an hour and I plan to take a short walk since it is in the 60s today. I thought Minnesota was supposed to be cold by now… (yeah I know the high is 28 on Friday and I am so glad I do not care to do any Black Friday shopping… the things I would want to buy are never discounted anyway… I mean is there a sale on the new English-Latin Denzinger? Apparently there is… hmmm)

The Birth Story (I can’t be held responsible for details you did not want to know. This is your warning.)

If you follow this blog at all you may remember my complaint about pre-labor for most of a week starting on Monday, Oct. 30. Well this continued in the same fashion through the birthday on Wednesday, November 7. The only change in the pattern was that on Monday the contractions were slightly stronger and by Tuesday they were of the same intensity that I had the day before L was born. They were 10-30 minutes apart for most of the day and stopped when I went to bed around 11pm. To be honest, I expected to be woken up in labor the next morning. It just seemed like it would happen. Here is the play-by-play:

4:30 AM- I woke up to the strongest contraction yet and thought, “This could be it!” I decided to try to get some sleep after getting up to use the bathroom. I managed to doze and noticed another contraction come about 20 minutes later. This was not quite what happened with L’s birth. With her I woke up with them consistently every ten minutes. I dozed and had strange dreams about election results and being in labor while the stronger-than-I-had-been-having-in-nine-days-of-pre-labor contractions were 20-30 minutes apart until M’s alarm went off around 6.

6:00 AM- I told M what had been happening. We decided that I should get up and take a shower and see if things intensified or seemed like my typical pre-labor days.

7:00 AM- The contractions had been just as strong and were happening every five minutes at this point. M decided to cancel his classes for the day so that I could have some help with the kids.

7:30 AM- They were still five-ish minutes apart. I could still walk through them and talk through them. I decided to call my parents and tell them to get ready to come to town. They had a nine hour drive ahead of them and I figured the sooner they left the better it would be for the kids.

8:30 AM-Things were still going as they had before with fairly regular strong contractions, but I could still walk and talk. I decided to do some of my weekly house chores that had not yet been done. I got ready to mop the floors. When the mopping was finished and I was still having the contractions we decided to look into getting the kids set up with the friends who were planning on watching them while I was in labor. M got together things for them and started making phone calls. We also started timing the contractions.

9:30 AM-The timing of the contractions was not going well. For some reason timing contractions with precision stresses me out, and stress makes my labors slow down and even putter out. I started getting really anxious that this was not labor and that M had canceled class for no reason and that my parents were going to come and stay for a week and there would be no baby. I just felt a lot of (probably unreasonable) pressure to know I was in labor and stay in labor. Further I was anxious about the kids’ childcare since we had not yet been able to line up someone who could watch them all day.

10:00 AM- The kids things were packed, my suitcase was mostly packed. The contractions were more like 10 minutes apart and not very strong anymore. M got a hold of one of our friends who had offered to watch the kids and being a stay-at-home home schooling mom she was able to have them over all day until dinner time. Another family was going to have the girls for dinner and then if I was still in labor the mother would put the girls to bed at our house and wait the arrival of my parents. As soon as things lined up I had a massive contraction. My stress about the kids had been making it harder for me to relax and allow labor to happen.

10:30 AM- M took the girls to our friends house and of course I started to miss them. My parents called to tell me that they were leaving St. Louis. I started feeling anxious again since my contractions were now 10-20 minutes apart and still not as strong as they had been. I had the occasional super strong one, but still nothing super regular.

11:30 AM- M and I took a walk (maybe .5 miles?) and I started having stronger, more regular contractions on the walk. When we got back home and I sat down, they still were not super regular. I started worrying if it was labor at all still. I did some reading and sitting around and trying not to focus on if it was labor.

1:00 PM- We were hungry for lunch and my contractions were picking up again, so M went out and got us some Jimmy John’s subs. I had a roast beef sandwhich. It was delicious and took me until 2:00 PM to eat. During that time we ordered L’s birthday presents and the Christmas presents for the kids online.

2:00 PM-More active contractions were setting in, and I decided to take a bath and see how things went. The bath was nice, but not nice enough to mask the pain of stronger, regular contractions. They seemed about 5 minutes apart and sometimes only 3 minutes apart.

3:30 PM- With the contractions 3-5 minutes apart and intensifying, I decided to call the “maternity care center” at St. Joseph’s hospital and see if they thought I should come in. My reason for getting to the hospital sooner was so that I could have a round of antibiotics to take care of my positive beta-strep results. I also wanted to be settled in the hospital before transition. I had arrived during transition with L and things were rushed, crazy and not exactly relaxing at all. The nurse thought it would be good to come in given that it was my third delivery.

4:00 PM- We were in the car heading for the hospital. I sent out texts to family to let them know, and called the grandparents to give more details. M said that he could tell by my voice when I was having contractions, so things were definitely progressing.

4:10 PM- We parked and went in the main hospital entrance and then were given directions for a pretty long trek to the maternity care center. I guess they want to make it hard for random people to walk in on that part of the hospital (and run off with the babies?). I had to stop a couple of times because of contractions.

4:20 PM- We made it to the maternity care and were brought to a room. I gave them the sample they needed and threw on the hospital gown to make monitoring easier. Then we started talking with our nurse Julie. She was in her first year at maternity care and had a more experienced nurse, Maggie, helping her and giving advice. The nurses were both super friendly and we chatted about my other two births and how things went then and how things were progressing with this labor. She hooked me up to the monitor to check on contractions and the baby’s heartrate, and then put the IV line in my arm (yuck!).

4:45 PM- While we were waiting for the monitoring we got on facebook to ask for prayers for the labor. The contractions which had slowed down slightly when we got to the room were picking up again.

5:00 PM- After successful monitoring the nurses decided to check the dilation and station of the baby. They measured me at 4 cm. I do not remember the station. Things were continuing to progress like normal labor. I decided to put my own shirt back on since it seemed like it would be a few hours before I was ready to deliver.

5:15 PM- They got the antibiotics started.

5:45 PM- It was time to monitor the baby again, which we did in the rocking chair in the room. Julie suggested we order dinner before the cafeteria closed in case labor went long.

6:00-7:00 PM- They were having trouble getting clear readings and had me move to the bed to get better access to my abdomen.

Sometime in here they decided the baby’s heartrate was dropping too low during contractions and they had me use and oxygen mask. This also happened with G’s delivery. My strong long contractions are strong and long I guess.

Dinner came sometime before 7:00 PM and I had a few sips of milk and then lost my appetite.

I was taken off oxygen when they were able to see what was going on with the baby better.

7:00 PM-They checked me again, and I was measuring at 6-7cm with an intact bulging bag of waters. Maggie mentioned that as soon as my water broke I would probably at 10 cm and ready to push. They called Dr. K to come to the hospital. The baby warmer was brought into the room.

I was in the midst of the most intense transition of all three of my totally natural births (besides the antibiotics). Every contraction was long and crazy intense. I had thoughts about never wanting to do this again and mentioned to M that I was not sure if I could manage the pushing after the transition. The pressure of the baby descending plus the bag of waters was always present. I just laid on my side and let those contractions do their thing. Which is all one can do with labor.

7:25 PM- Dr. K arrived in the room and checked on things. Transition was still in high gear. I think I asked her about the Bible study at our parish between contractions. I was supposed to be there that night.

7:35 PM- My water broke. Gush went the bag. SLAM went the head. I informed the room as it happened. I had a couple more contractions before the urge to push was imminent.

7:40ish PM- Pushing contractions were at hand. I was planning on easing into them so as to avoid a tear this time. I turned from my side to inclined on my back and breathed through the first pushing contractions. The seconds between the pushing contractions were blissfully relaxing compared to the intensity of transition.

The baby’s head was starting to crown even with the lack of pushing, so I decided to push a little with the next contraction. With that push the head came halfway out. M described this to me. They urged me to continue to push to get the head out the rest of the way and then the shoulders. It felt like one long continuous pushing contraction until the whole body was out.

7:49 PM-Dr. K announced that we had a daughter and she was placed on my stomach. When the cord stopped pulsing it was clamped and then cut. F stayed on my belly and I was propped up a bit to try nursing her. She was not really interested so I just held her while we waiting for the placenta to come out.

The placenta seemed to be taking longer than Dr. K thought it should, so she did a little uterine massaging. We decided to have M hold F so I could focus on pushing out the placenta. It came out all in one piece. This might be TMI, but I had a very small tear which only needed a few stitches. It is a huge difference in recovering than even my small one with L, not to mention the 4th degree with G. Anyway…

They noticed some heavy bleeding. One of the things they do at St. Joseph’s in St. Paul is weigh the pads to see the exact amount of blood the mother is losing after delivery. 500 ml is considered to be a hemorrhage. I bled 1.5 L in two hours after delivery. So, they were fairly concerned.  Pitocen and some other pill which caused cramping were administered. The bleeding slowed to normal eventually. My favorite story about the bleeding was when I called my brother to talk to him about his goddaughter and mentioned the bleeding, asking for prayers. He asked me to let him know when the bleeding stops. So, in a couple of weeks he will be getting a random text message. To resolve the bleeding issue, they found my hemoglobin levels to be way above that of an average pregnant woman at 13.8 a few hours after delivery. They were holding strong at 12.5 the next morning. Apparently I bleed a lot after delivery and my body can handle it. Because of the bleeding I was not allowed to get off the bed until 5 hours after delivery. I managed just fine without any faintness.

While I was waiting to get up, Julie was clearing some equipment out of the room. She invited M to touch the placenta. He, being the way he is, was totally willing and they did a thorough examination of the placenta and the chorion and amnion. I think that is the most intimate experience he wants to have with that organ, but if you ask him he will tell you how much fun he had checking it out. Julie decided that he was cool enough to be her friend. Before she went off duty she told us how she had found the birth beautiful. She was a great nurse to have for birthing. 🙂

1:00 AM- After being allowed to get out of bed the night nurse came in and gave F her first bath, weighed and measured her. At some point we got to go to sleep.

I loved that at this hospital we got to hold our baby for 5 hours after delivery before they even bothered to record a birth weight. She did not leave our room until she was 24 hours old to go for a hearing screening, heart screening, and blood draw. M went with her to do that. While I can’t really stand being in a hospital for very long, this was by far the best hospital experience. The nurses were totally cool with our natural birth plan and very supportive of everything being as we wished. Dr. K was also awesome. We were able to check out 25 hours after her birth and get home after the other kids were in bed. I was really glad I was able to say good morning to them at home right after they woke up the next morning.

We feel so blessed by the arrival of our third daughter and once I lose the memories of the-most-intense-transition-ever I could consider having another birth at that hospital.

However, M says that he would be willing to deliver the next baby at home now that he has witnessed three deliveries…

Seven Quicktakes: Newborn Edition

1. Every newborn “honeymoon” has gotten better than the last. Maybe it is because I know what to expect. I suspect it is because my parents and mother-in-law have continued to come and help with household chores and taking care of the other children after every birth, each of them taking a week. I have help until next Tuesday morning, and then M has Thanksgiving break. This means I get to sleep until 9am with the baby (if this is what she does) everyday for 2.5 weeks!

2. I am feeling pretty good for having given birth (completely naturally I must add) nine days ago. I actually feel kind of awake this morning. 🙂

3. The baby caught the cold her sisters brought home from somewhere. If you never have used nasal saline drops to help clean out a baby’s nose, you totally should. They work wonders!

Since all I have been doing is sleeping, nursing, sitting while others do the work, and being with the baby I will leave the rest of the quicktakes to cute details one forgets about newborns:

4.  The newborn smell. It is like no other. You have to smell it to know it.

5. The nursing callous on the upper lip and how it peels off every couple of days.

6. The silly half awake expressions of rolling eyes, sideways grins, random quick breathing, puckering of lips, etc.

7. The snuggling sleeping cuddly times when you know you should go take a nap, shower, use the bathroom, eat something but just can’t pry yourself away.

7 quick takes sm1 Your 7 Quick Takes Toolkit!

Friday Quicktakes–11/9

1. I made two delicious recipes this week while awaiting the birth of Baby #3. The first was steak pie, which was yummy and steaky. I am now allowed to cook savory pies for dinner whenever I want. 🙂 I also made French Onion Soup from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. It was delicious as usual.

2. The baby came on Wednesday at 7:49pm.

3. It is a GIRL! Now we have three beautiful girls.

4. 2 hours and 49 minutes from 4 cm to birth is pretty intense. (Labor started around 4:40am but was not regular until 1pm)

5. 49 minutes from 6-7 cm to birth is crazy intense.

6. 6 minutes of pushing is less painful than 43 minutes of transition.

7. I will post a more detailed birth story soon for those who want to know. We came home 25 hours after delivery and my bed is way better than that hospital bed. I am feeling better at this point than I did after the other two as long as I have my 600 mg of Ibuprofen. Nursing is going great.

Thinking About the “New Baby”

Sometime amongst the past two months of travel, unpacking, and adjusting I hit the third trimester with this pregnancy. If this baby comes as early as L. did we have about 10 weeks until we find out if we have another beautiful daughter or a handsome son. This past week I started feeling the third-trimester exhaustion along with the back pain and then the dread of never getting sleep once the baby comes. So, not exactly happy feelings about having another baby. Additionally, I started thinking about labor, delivery and recovery, which is not the most pleasant set of physical experiences one can have.

I decided it would be a good idea to plan for the tour of the “maternity care” ward of the hospital. I called on Friday, to discover that the quarterly scheduled tours were taking place on Saturday (yesterday). I found some last minute childcare (courtesy of another professor and his family whom we had just had dinner with this past week), and M. and I got the tour yesterday.

We walked into a wing and discovered that there is no nursery for holding babies at all, unless they are needing special care, and that I will labor, deliver, and recover in the same room and that all the baby will need for care after I give birth is right in that room as well. So, the only option is rooming in. I also got to see the room and tub for waterbirths, which my doctor has attended before and I plan on trying. If I have the waterbirth I will have to leave my room, but I am excited for a hospital that says on their webpage: “Our goal is to give you the safest birth and avoid unnecessary interventions.” and “St. Joseph’s has a low cesarean rate: 11.3% compared to a national average of 30.2%.”. I have great hopes for another natural birth this time around.

It is not that my birthing experiences with my first two were horrible, it is just that the hospital viewed it more as a medical procedure, where as it really seems that this hospital and the nurses working there want to make things as natural as possible. The reason I am using a hospital is in case there is a need for medical intervention, plus I found a really great pro-life family doctor for my care in St. Paul and I want to be able to work with her for the birth as well.

I found this article on the hospital’s maternity care and a history of how they got a more natural focus. Evidently though I should fall into one of two categories, at least roughly: “recent immigrants who are used to midwives in their home countries and older, professional women”. Which I don’t, so maybe they should add another category of young mom’s who care to have a natural birth. 🙂

That all being said, I am starting to be more excited about meeting this baby outside the womb. There is something about newborns that you can’t find anywhere else, even if you are sleep deprived.

A Song for Mothers (and everybody!)

“Nothing Without You” by Bebo Norman is a song that I have always felt drawn to and it has applied to my life differently throughout my life. I heard it today, and it really spoke to me about the mother and wife I am called to be. You can watch the video below that has the lyrics, but I will also post them below and write about how they affected me.

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
See I have nothing, I have nothing without You

I have always thought of raising hands in praise when I heard these lines, but today I thought of how I use my hands. What I do with my hands is also a way to praise God, and the love I have when using my hands can offer my activities to him.

Everything a mother does for her family involves her hands; praying, holding, changing diapers, dressing, washing children, washing dishes, cleaning the home, etc. But a mother and wife does not have the strength to do all of this without God’s love and grace, and it can wear her down and make her unhappy. God will keep a mother strong.

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

I can sing songs of praise to God and tell others of his love and mercy, but what I say to others, how I say it to others, what I say about others reflects this even more. The way a wife speaks to her husband, the way she asks him to do something, what she chooses to say first thing in the morning or when he walks in the door from work all are an offering to God and all can bring more love or hurt to the home. The way a mother speaks to her children when they misbehave or do good acts or simply get into trouble all bring glory to God or not. If I am unkind in the way I speak, my voice is not bringing God glory, but if I have patience and kindness in my voice even when reprimanding this is an act of love.

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

A wife and mother needs to be covered in the love of God in order to live out what she is called to do. My mother prayed for me yesterday that God’s love would overflow out of me into the way I loved my children; I think this chorus reflects that idea. And when we pour love into our family, the world does see, and the world is given hope.

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

I think this speaks the most to me as a wife and mother; the daily grind really involves the whole body. And for children, a mother’s body really is broken as an offering of love; in this way we reflect Christ. It is done to a mother when she accepts the call to be one throughout pregnancy, the pains of labor, the giving birth, and then her choices to breastfeed, and nurture her children through naps, bedtimes, feedings, and play times. But still she has nothing without God and his mercy and love.

I also love the line asking God to build up one’s body; it shows the glory that God gives to nature and the beauty in our bodies despite our falleness.

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing
But I love You

With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
With all the strength that I can find

And here we remember that our actions are rooted in our heart, soul, and mind. Our actions affect them and they affect our actions. We need God to help us love and serve. And we need to take time for prayer, for praying asks God for His grace, praises him, and keeps Him foremost in one’s heart, mind, and soul throughout the day. I am always happier when I remember to pray while doing mundane tasks like putting the kids down for naps and cooking and washing.

“With all my mind.” I particularly need to spend my time doing things that will help me think about good things, and loving things. What I do during my free time stays in my mind and affects my heart and my soul and my actions. I know I personally want to use my mind for more than taking care of children; and struggle for the discipline to discipline my mind.

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing,
I am nothing without You

I am nothing without God, and my time on earth is for Him. And as a wife and mother, I also am called to help my husband and children glorify God with their lives as well.

On Some Surprises of Motherhood

One of the things that surprised me the most after the birth of my daughter G., was the amount of time it took for me to recover from giving birth to her and the physical change from being to pregnant to being not pregnant. I will not go into to many details here, but the changes consist of pushing a large head through a small opening with a muscle one does not generally use after spending hours contracting this muscle to get the baby low enough and after the child is born their is a complete change in hormones in the mother’s body. So, anyway, I guess I expected to give birth and be as strong and healthy as I was before delivery. After all I had been taking 30-45 minute walks 4 times a week up through the day I went into labor, and had been jogging until my 6th month of pregnancy. I was healthy and fit, so why couldn’t I pop the baby out and go on with life as usual?

I discovered that there is a reason one does not see a new mom and her baby very often after birth. Part of it is the pediatrician recommends keeping the baby away from people who may be sick for the first 6 weeks. Another reason includes that I was not allowed to drive for 2 weeks after delivery, or even take a walk. Really, all I wanted was have my energy back, and I did not have much energy at all. That was what was most frustrating, was that I wanted to be doing things and going places and was not allowed to and did not have the energy to do so. One might think that I would have been happy to sleep all day with the baby, but I was not.

So, finally about 6-8 weeks after delivery, I started feeling normal again. I understand now why it would be difficult for someone who did not think abortion was wrong to choose to have a baby that they were not expecting. It is a huge life change–even if one gave the baby up for adoption there still is the recovery from the labor. (Also, a postpartum body is never the same as it was before.) I am not saying that I support any decision to take a human life, I just think I have a bit more sympathy for someone who is ignorant of the truth of these matters. Further, it shows me how important it is to have children within the context of a loving marriage of a husband and wife. I depended on M. for many things after the birth of our daughter, even the simplest physical needs like getting something to drink. It does take a family to raise a child; parenthood is not easy. (Though it seems that some dads think it is a lot easier than they were expecting.)

Despite all of the difficulty surrounding bringing a child into the world, I cannot imagine my life differently. Children are such a blessing and a joy! It is amazing to see my daughter learn new things, to see her learn how to roll over, somehow maneuver herself a couple feet across the floor through her squirming, to bond with her as I feed her, to cuddle with her in bed, and to see her smile at me or even the stranger across the room. The funny thing is, now only 16 weeks postpartum, whenever I see a pregnant woman, I really want to be pregnant again–I guess motherhood is just as or even more fulfilling as I thought it would be.