My Conservative American Girl Doll Experience

Have you seen this photo essay on American girls and their American Girl dolls? It is a commentary on American girl’s and I think it is also one on our American consumerism. From the article:

 “I’ve noticed that girls do not really care as much about the books and stories that come with the dolls,” wrote [Ilona] Szwarc [the photographer]. “They are much more interested in clothes and accessories, so the educational message functions as a marketing tool for parents rather than as an inspiration for girls to learn.”

It is also a commentary on how when parents buy”educational” toys and don’t follow through it does not really do anything for the kids, unless of course they were geeky like me.

I read all the American Girl books before I had my Molly doll. I am not really sure what got me started on the American Girls, but it probably was the library. My older sister, S, got her Samantha doll before I got my Molly doll. She asked for money for her First Communion so that she could get her doll. I got Molly for my birthday I think; it must have been my eighth birthday. My parents gathered the expected monetary gifts, I think I may have even put allowances toward it, and they made up the difference. I think it was the summer between second and third grade? I got glasses in third grade and I know I got Molly before I had glasses. I was so happy when I got glasses. I even picked out glasses to match Molly’s. But rather than spend all my money accessorizing (though I spent hours looking at the catalogs longingly which was way better than the sappy website they have now), I just read the books over and over again.

I was the kid who spent all day everyday reading books. My parents begged me to go play outside, but I was content to have my nose in a book. What I loved about the American Girl books was how they really did give a look into the history of our country in an interesting way. I loved learning history through the books. My favorite books to read were always historical fiction; they still are! It is too bad that many American girls do not care about the history of our country and just want the doll and the accessories. Maybe that is the result of the fact that the American girl books are not good literature anyway.

So instead of reading the American Girl doll books, I am going to have my girl’s read the classics about American children in history: Laura Ingalls Wilder, Mark Twain, Louisa May Alcott, and so on. I guess I should check out more the children’s classic chapter books before my kids get to that age. The books that are still read that withstand the test of time are the ones that really will help our kids be better people. They teach our kids about virtue: friendship, perseverance, charity, obedience, patience, faith, etc. They teach our kids the importance of family and strong marriages. They teach our kids about those who came before us, and teach them how virtue, family, and friendship are essential for living the Good Life. The best thing about the classic books are that they were written by those who lived at the time they are describing. They don’t fantasize about the past or put it down, but depict the author’s experience of their present time which is our past. In this way we can really learn about our history.

As for the dolls, I doubt we will spend hundreds of dollars for American girl dolls for the kids. Clearly the dolls do not make the children happy, and my doll is not contributing to my happiness in anyway (except perhaps for the hours I spent with my best friend playing with our dolls as children). I will pass on my Molly doll when they are old enough to no destroy her. Or maybe I will just put her in a glass case and tell them stories about my childhood in reference to the doll.

New Mom-skill!

Today on the way home from Trader Joe’s the big girls were happily sucking on the suckers they earned by finding the bunnies hidden in the store. These suckers are great because they are all-natural with no random weird dyes in them. When G finished her sucker she asked me to throw a wipe back to her since she was sticky. I first told her I could not since she was all the way in back of the mini-van (something I really miss about not driving a sedan is that I can’t reach the kids from the front seat). Then we came to a red light and I thought, “Hey, why not?”

I pulled a wipe out of the diaper bag, scrunched it down into a ball, twisted around and did a weird sideways throw and hit G (who was directly two rows behind my seat) in the shoulder. Since wipes don’t bounce it stayed on her shoulder and when she figured out where it was she used it and then let L have a turn with it.

Anyone else mastered the art of throwing things to kids at red lights?

Some Thoughts on the Liturgical Worship of God

I did not realize how much I really love our new parish in St. Paul of St. Agnes Church until we came home after a long vacation to see family and went again to Mass in the small daily Mass chapel. While traveling we went with our parents and siblings to the parishes that we went to when we still lived at our respective homes. There was the familiarity of the place and the way liturgy was celebrated at each church, and in a way they felt like home. But they were missing the aspects tradition in the liturgy that characterized the Church for years.

We went to the 8 AM Mass with our three children for the first time. Father processed in with the male altar servers and started the Mass. He read the readings and gave a solid homily. And then he turned his back to the people, or is it that he turned to face the tabernacle and the crucifix. He led us in prayer (in English for daily Mass) as he prayed the offertory and then the Eucharistic prayer. As L would call it, “Body of Christ”, was on the altar and then he turned to offer the sign of peace and then continued on with the liturgy. The congregation all knelt at a communion rail and received on the tongue. As that morning Mass progressed I realized that good “saying the black and doing the red liturgy” really leads me to God and teaches me how to love Him. The proper worship due to God is that which has been passed down to us by Tradition, and it is in the liturgy that we love Him. I guess I have a “liturgical love language” towards God.

Today was the orchestral Mass at St. Agnes which was Antonin Dvorak’s Mass in D. I got to nurse F during the Kyrie in the small Marian side chapel:

I wonder if she will retain the memory of the Kyrie and the painting of Our Lady and baby Jesus that she was gazing at when she finished nursing. It was a Latin Novus Ordo Mass (new Mass as opposed to Latin Extraordinary Form). It was beautiful, between the music with the chanted propers and orchestral Mass parts and the “dance” of the priest, deacons, and servers on the altar as they prepared for the Eucharist and then the Sacrament was there. There is something special that has been preserved at St. Agnes in its liturgies, and I am so glad that we get to be a part of it now. As I am learning proper worship of God there, I am finding that the proper liturgical worship I learn there allows me to worship God no matter what the church I am in.

P.S. Just as I was publishing this L stood up next to me and sang: “Hosanna in the highest! Hosanna in the highest! Hooray!”

Secular Advent Music

When I think of Advent music the first song that comes into my head is O Come, o come, Emmanuel. There are other hymns that are suitable as well, like Come Thou Long Expected Jesus  and Wake, Awake, but these are not what you here on the radio. So, here I am going to give a few ideas for songs to listen to in the more secular line of Advent music:

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Watch out, don’t cry, or else guys. That is the message of this song. 🙂

2. I’ll Be Home for Christmas– This is also an anticipatory song for Advent. It dreams of Christmas and all being together, which are very good values, especially wanting to be with loved ones.

A White Advent.

3. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas– This is definitely for Advent, as once Christmas comes, you can’t really dream of a white Christmas coming.

4. Silver Bells– “Soon it will be Christmas Day.” It is all about shopping, because that is where you hear the silver bells.

Anymore good “secular” Advent songs?

While the secular ones are fun, they do not compare to the depths of the coming of our Savior:

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

What does Santa coming with presents have to compare with Jesus coming to bring us eternal life? Snow is a cool gift from God, and very beautiful, but it is not God Himself. Being together on Christmas with gifts for each other is nice, but it does not compare to being together in Heaven. I am struggling to find the value in the seemingly shallow secular celebrations of Christmas, but maybe I should see them as a precursor to the joy that will be eternal life together in Heaven.

Baptised at Last: Cradle Catholics

On Saturday the baby was baptised! Alleluia! She also came down with baby acne. I guess 3-4 weeks is about right for that to show up. We had a wonderful crowd of family and friends at the baptism (a great uncle and aunt with their three kids, three of four grandparents, the aunt and uncle godparents, a cousin plus a number of friends), and it was just a fraction of our Catholic family and friends that were present. M and I are both cradle Catholics and so are our parents. In fact our parents were also raised by cradle Catholics, and so on. The line of cradle Catholics goes back to at least my great grandparents on my side and probably further.

I am so blessed that my faith has been passed down to me from the Apostles through the Church and also from my parents and their parents. For all of high school, my grandmother in St. Louis was in my family’s parish. I would see her every Sunday in the front row and then would catch up with her after Mass. It was such a blessing to share this part of life with her. I have always known my mother’s parents, who live near Cleveland, to go to daily Mass. What great examples of holy lives they have given me. I see their marriage and how well they raised their seven children as an example to me of how to be holy, loving parents and spouses. As Catholics, we look to the lives of the Saints to learn how to love God and be saintly; and I feel so blessed to look to the lives of my people in my family to learn about being holy and Catholic.

It is so easy for cradle Catholics to take their faith and religion for granted; we need to realize that while our faith has been given to us by our parents, it is our responsibility to live the faith. We need to seek to have active prayer lives, go to Mass, have frequent Confessions; without these things, especially with the continued secularization and modernization of society, our faith will quickly fall by the wayside. M and I have discussed how many of the converts to Catholicism we know really know the faith and really care to live it well. Is there something about being raised Catholic that makes it harder for us? We could blame bad catechesis as children, but we are adults, so we need to take responsibility as adults. There are so many resources for learning about the Catholic faith, for example the catechism. Or one could look at New Advent for great resources about the Church.

And as a parent raising three little Catholics, I know the importance of teaching the faith to my children from a young age. I need to be an example of what I teach them in my behavior and in my life of prayer. I am so blessed to be continuing the line of cradle Catholics, and pray that my little ones grow up to bring more converts to the Church.

Another Thought for the Ladies

May grace and peace be yours in abundance through knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
His divine power has bestowed on us everything that makes for life and devotion, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and power. Through these, he has bestowed on us the precious and very great promises, so that through them you may come to share in the divine nature, after escaping from the corruption that is in the world because of evil desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.

-2 Peter 1:2-7
This was the first reading for Mass today at the Novus Ordo. I find it encouraging in my renewed pursuit of theological inquiry. It reminded me why I chose to study theology in the first place. It is very easy for me together caught upon the particular details and forget the reason for doing theology. The scripture above explains that God has given us what we need to have a life of devotion to Him (through His gift of the Holy Spirit, the Church, Tradition, and Revelation). He is calling us to be divinized, and to escape the “corruption that is in the world.” The following sentence gives us instruction on how to live our faith by seeking virtue, knowledge, self-control, endurance, devotion, mutual affection, and love.
And I realize now that it is love that lead me to examine the issue of makeup. Love for my husband who raised the question, but also love for my fellow women who think they need makeup to be beautiful. It seems that we all would benefit from a man who tells us that we look more beautiful without makeup. God made us all as He wished us to be, and who are we to criticize the face He gave us and seek to change it according to the corrupted standards of the world. So, ladies, please remember that you are beautiful and that you are loved.

On the Morality of Wearing Makeup

Update July 24, 2018:
I have a complete opinion on this matter that I wrote last December.

She came back from the job interview with a job offer in hand. As I talked to her about the student work position on our college campus, she mentioned that her new boss told her that she would be expected to wear makeup at her job. While I knew that women often wore makeup to work, I had never been required to wear it to work. I felt a little upset for my friend who sat through being told by a man that she — a young, pretty woman — had to wear makeup while men who worked in the same workplace had no such requirement.

Up to this point it had seemed normal to me that one would choose to wear makeup in a professional or formal setting, but when it was imposed on my friend I started to feel that there was a problem with it. With so many women coming out with their stories and accusations of men treating them with impropriety, we need to dig deeper into the causes of this problem. The expectation that women use cosmetics is just one of many contributing factors our society’s tendency to reduce women to objects to be used rather than human persons to be loved.

Read the rest here.

——–
Lately, I have been thinking about the morality of wearing makeup. As in all moral questions in this household, St. Thomas Aquinas gave his opinion from the Summa Theologica first. If you don’t want to read the questions linked, I will make a brief summary.

In the first article he asks if there can be “virtue and vice in connection with outward apparel”? He answers that the vice one could have from outward apparel comes from the person using the apparel immoderatly, 1) being contrary to the customs among those whom one lives and 2) by having immoderate attachment to the apparel. Under number two one can have these vices a) dressing to seek glory, b) too much attention to sensuous pleasure (only focusing on the bodies pleasure in dress), and c) being too solicitous in regards to one’s outward attire. Thus, one must seek the virtues of humility and contentment to overcome the vices of immoderation in dress.  While one can be too focused in this way, one can also be deficient.  In neglecting one’s outward apparel, one can also be seeking glory by giving the appearance of being in the service of God, thus deriving glory from others’ opinions. But one can also be deficient in the social customs of dress and neglect to have the correct knowledge of how one is to present oneself. One last point is that one should dress according to one’s station in life so as to be truthful in how one presents oneself.

So, how does this apply to makeup and cosmetics? The second question is “Whether the adornment of women is devoid of moral sin?”

Okay, I am not trying to make anyone angry, and I am not trying to offend anyone. Part of being a Christian is examining our lives and choosing to live morally. I am simply trying to examine the morality of wearing makeup which is so culturally expected and in many cases required of women. Be prepared for a shocking response….

St. Thomas says that a woman should dress so as to not lead others into sin. That sounds about right. He also says that a “married woman can adorn herself to please her husband without sin.” So, if one’s husband prefers it (and it does not violate moral law), she should please him! What if one is single? If one has no wish to marry, then it is wrong to wear things that incite men to lust, especially if that is one’s intention.

St. Frances De Sales says in Chapter 25 of Introduction to the Devout Life, that “a wife may dress to please her husband, and that it is lawful for a maiden to dress to please her friends.” He explains that “propriety in dress consists in material, fashion, and cleanliness.” And as “to the material and fashion of clothes, propriety in these respects depends on various circumstances such as time, age, rank, those with whom you associate; and it varies on different occasions.” This sounds reasonable and even very practical. One dresses nicer for a wedding than for everyday occasions. And it would be silly to paint the house or scrub the floor in my best clothes! Once again one is to pay attention to the social acceptability. When considering cleanliness there is frequent bathing (which is often hard for mother’s of young children) and maintaining other hygienic habits.

One thing I want to say here is that the social customs, no matter how prevalent, do not usurp the moral law. And while I will not list them here, there are a number of common social customs that are clearly in violation of the moral law. That being said, it is possible for social customs to be wrong.

Now we come to Question 169, Article 2, Objection 2 (links and text from the source linked above at newadvent.org): Cyprian says (De Habit. Virg.): “I hold that not only virgins and widows, but also wives and all women without exception, should be admonished that nowise should they deface God’s work and fabric, the clay that He has fashioned, with the aid of yellow pigments, black powders or rouge, or by applying any dye that alters the natural features.” And afterwards he adds: “They lay hands on God, when they strive to reform what He has formed. This is an assault on the Divine handiwork, a distortion of the truth. Thou shalt not be able to see God, having no longer the eyes that God made, but those the devil has unmade; with him shalt thou burn on whose account thou art bedecked.” But this is not due except to mortal sin. Therefore the adornment of women is not devoid of mortal sin.”

St. Thomas responds to the objection with this: Cyprian is speaking of women painting themselves: this is a kind of falsification, which cannot be devoid of sin. Wherefore Augustine says (Ep. ccxlv ad Possid.): “To dye oneself with paints in order to have a rosier or a paler complexion is a lying counterfeit. I doubt whether even their husbands are willing to be deceived by it, by whom alone” (i.e. the husbands) “are they to be permitted, but not ordered, to adorn themselves.” However, such painting does not always involve a mortal sin, but only when it is done for the sake of sensuous pleasure or in contempt of God, and it is to like cases that Cyprian refers. 

It must, however, be observed that it is one thing to counterfeit a beauty one has not, and another to hide a disfigurement arising from some cause such as sickness or the like. For this is lawful, since according to the Apostle (1 Corinthians 12:23), “such as we think to be the less honorable members of the body, about these we put more abundant honor.””

The main objection is that when one puts makeup on a human face, one is creating a falsehood by presenting ones made-up face as one’s own face, and further “assaulting” the “Divine handiwork.” These are strong accusations and I have already heard several reactions to them.

1) These statements were made for that time and not our time. I do not see this a a good objection. Women throughout history have always worn makeup and covering one’s face in the past is not different than covering one’s face now.

2) Makeup is to accentuate one’s beauty and does not cover up God’s creation except the blemishes which St. Thomas says is okay. I think this is a valid point and can see how makeup does not cause one to counterfeit one’s appearance.

3) What about social custom?  It is socially prevalent, and one person compared it to “shaving legs.” Another person pointed out that there is a material difference between removing body hair and applying layers of chemicals to one’s face creating a sort of mask.  Another point is that are the social customs just adding to the objectification of women? If a woman does not wear makeup in the workplace is she seen as less? Is expecting woman to wear makeup making her lower than men? (I have heard from a trustworthy man that he has heard many negative things about women who don’t wear makeup from other men). If a woman in Western society does not wear makeup, is she deficient in the social customs category? Does it depend on how socially acceptable her natural complexion is?

These are all questions that have disturbed me while considering the morality and I really am not sure how to answer them. If you have an opinion, I would love to hear it. Please comment here so as to keep the discussion in one place!

One thing is clear to me, and that is if there is vanity and lack of humility in one’s personal wearing of makeup, then it is sinful to do so. The points about seeking glory, seeking pleasure, and inordinate attachment to are applicable to wearing makeup. Can one also be deficient?

The Temporal Benefits of a Virtuous Life

My latest “assignment” for M.’s Catholic Social Teaching class (which I am endeavoring to do the reading for) was Rerum Novarum (On Capitol and Labor) an encyclical written by Pope Leo XIII. I decided to read the assignments for this class, because the last time I read anything on Catholic social teaching was my junior year of high school, and I understand far more now than I did then. The topic seems particularly relevant these days.

There were many selections of texts that stood out to me as I read, but the one below in particular I wanted to elaborate on:

“28. Neither must it be supposed that the solicitude of the Church is so preoccupied with the spiritual concerns of her children as to neglect their temporal and earthly interests. Her desire is that the poor, for example, should rise above poverty and wretchedness, and better their condition in life; and for this she makes a strong endeavor. By the fact that she calls men to virtue and forms them to its practice she promotes this in no slight degree. Christian morality, when adequately and completely practiced, leads of itself to temporal prosperity, for it merits the blessing of that God who is the source of all blessings; it powerfully restrains the greed of possession and the thirst for pleasure-twin plagues, which too often make a man who is void of self-restraint miserable in the midst of abundance;(23) it makes men supply for the lack of means through economy, teaching them to be content with frugal living, and further, keeping them out of the reach of those vices which devour not small incomes merely, but large fortunes, and dissipate many a goodly inheritance.”
 
It never ceases to amaze me how virtue completely affects one’s life in every regard. I used to think of virtue as being good so that I can get to Heaven. When I learned more about virtue, I discovered that one forms virtue by starting with good habits. And virtue does not suddenly disappear once one has it, when one is truly virtuous, she has to make a conscious effort to be vicious and is aware that it will harm her character.

Here Pope Leo XIII explains that Christian morality leads to temporal prosperity. My first thought was, wait a minute, look at all the saints who were poor on purpose, they were not prosperous. But then I thought more and realized that they never were in want of things that they did not have. A virtuous life is important for rich and poor alike. The poor necessarily need to live a frugal and thrifty lifestyle if they want to live within their means. Too many poor do not know how to live within their means and find themselves in all sorts of debt. To live on little one has to be smart about what she buys and when she buys it. Is a television in every room really necessary? (Then again is it really necessary for anyone?) One can save a lot of money by not eating out and making her own meals. One can save a lot of money by purchasing clothing at garage sales or second hand stores, and one does not have to settle for one ragged clothes either. Also, the store brand often saves more money than coupons and are often just as good. However, to live this way one has to be virtuous. It takes a lot of self control to pass up an impulse to go out to dinner or order a pizza. When the commercials tell one to, “Buy, buy, buy,” how does one say, “I don’t really need that.” Here is where one turns to the Church, whose “desire is that the poor…should rise above poverty and wretchedness, and better their condition in life.” She does this“by the fact that she calls men to virtue and forms them to its practice.” It is only through the Church and her Sacraments that one can truly become virtuous. When one practices the teachings of the Church, one creates good habits, which become virtue. And then even someone with little income can experience a sort of temporal prosperity.

But what about the rich, who have plenty of money. Jesus said it would be harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God than for a camel to enter the eye of a needle (Matthew 19:24). Still the Church is concerned for all people, and wants the rich to also be virtuous and holy. The rich need to not squander their wealth, invest it well, give to the poor, and remember that “God who is the source of all blessings” is what will truly make them happy. Self-restraint is a virtue to strive for, not overindulging oneself, but praising God by appreciating a His creations in a moderate fashion. The rich should still ask, “Do I really need it?” It is more important to become holy than it is to have the latest technology or newest car. If one’s old car still works, then still use it, or if one really needs a new car and the old one still works, give or sell the old one to someone else who needs it for a fair or even low price. It seems the most important thing a rich person can do is to be generous with her abundance of earthly goods and remember to take care of her soul. Taking care of the soul means frequenting the Sacraments, but also doing the corporeal and spiritual works of mercy. (These should be done by all no matter what one’s income level). And remember that frugality is a virtue for all. And as a bonus, it is a way to preserve the worlds resources!

Pre-literate Philosophy: Getting a Job!

In the month of February, my husband spent 15 days traveling to five different campuses to interview for positions as a philosophy professor. Last week, he accepted a position at a school within a days drive of both of our families. Hooray! Sadly, we will be leaving all of our awesome friends in Buffalo. 🙁

During this time G. started a game where she would get on her toy wagon/riding toy which she calls her “car” and go to see her “philosophers”. This is what she understood her daddy to be doing. And once he got a position, she announced that she was no longer looking for a job. She still goes to talk to her philosophers. I just wish I knew what the philosophers were saying back.

How Liberal Education Can Continue Even When You Are The Mother Of Small Children: Part Two The Intellectual Life

I was the kid who preferred reading novels all day to playing outside or with toys, or even watching tv. I would escape for hours into a novel, and as soon as that was finished pick up another. Most things I read were not great literature, but as my excellent high school guided me in my reading choices, I became more selective. In college I was a part of the honors Great Books program, and slowly learned to become a scholar. My final degrees of choice were theology and philosophy, and through several inspiring yet academically rigorous professors I learned how to do research and write a good paper. My then fiancé and I both decided to take a summer and school year to work on our Masters degrees, I chose theology and he philosophy. That year was very formative. I realized that I truly enjoyed the intellectual rigor of studying the liberal arts, the one I studied being theology. Once I graduated the studying ceased. I discussed prayer last week, here I want to discuss continuing the intellectual life.

The first thing to do is READ. However, since time is so precious, one has to be particular about what to read. I spent much of my first pregnancy immersed in classic novels, and then if you go back a few years on this blog you can see my feeble attempts to “get something out of them.” I was not very good at reading more than fiction after four years of intense study at the university, but I read the occasional history and essay. My husband continually encourages me to read philosophy and theology. It helped that there were several books he wanted me to read. I have read a quarter of his dissertation. He convinced me to start the Summa Theologica during my second pregnancy. I made it a few questions in. I am also reading the assigned readings for his class on Catholic Social Teaching this semester, and am in the midst of a good novel. The point is to make good choices about what you read and take the time to do it. I do most of my reading after the kids are in bed, and sometimes I can do a little when they are playing together (though that time is usually for housework or playing with them).

The next thing I do is TALK. I talk to my husband, of course. It helps that my best friend whom I live with loves great books, theology, and of course philosophy. It did take several years of marriage for me to realize how important it was to him that I converse with him about what he is currently researching and about what I am reading. It is really good for our friendship and marriage when we keep up with each other in an intellectual way. I also am blessed with friends from college who are geeks like me and read classic novels. These we discuss via phone. But having people who share your interests to talk to really helps.

The last thing I do is to write this blog. I am determined to write one more intellectual post a week about some of my reading or based in conversations I have had. My husband likes to write ideas in a journal. He also gets paid to think, so that helps him. But as a stay at home mom, reading, talking, and writing is a big struggle and it is a challenge to make it a priority.

Making the effort to do these three things has helped me find balance in my life, and keeps me happy. The intellectual life is as essential to my life as regular prayer and regular exercise, and it make my husband happy. Knowing these things about myself, I also know that I really have to work at it. It is not easy to develop the habits, but it is possible even while taking care of small children and a home. I know it make me a better mother and wife, and when I get bombarded with questions about God or life by an almost three year old I feel confident in my answer and pleased to be beginning a liberal education for my children.